Why do I sabotage things when they are going good in my life? Well…. according to my "going good". God has something different in store for me I believe. I can be attending church, doing my daily reading, praising and worshipping the Lord… and as soon as a man comes along and give me some attention… straying away from the Word of God is what I do. Why???... Because I want to do my own thing; and I know that if I continue to read the Word of God and praise God throughout the day… He will chasten me and I will NOT abide by the flesh. What is wrong with me? Because I am at my best when I am filled with the Holy Spirit, you know what I'm talking about… It's when everything just floats (the upsetting comments that your supervisor makes…) just float away. God can and will heal all sadness, all pain, and hurt… Knowing Him and being in a relationship with HIM is unbelievable. Why would I entrust my emotions to anyone or anything that is not of HIM? So I ask myself repeatedly "What is wrong with me?"…. "Oh, Bernice… you're scared". The one person you loved most was taken away, the next person you loved most was taken away… ooooooooh, there's the problem, my love was misdirected, it was beguiled, it was misplaced, it was lost…. When my one true love, who never hurts, who never disappoints, who ONLY soothes the agony of defeat….. is where my love, my heart should be placed above all others. Oh did I mention He is jealous… I didn't know that… you see, all these things I have learned as an adult.
Right when God is knocking on the door to give…. my breakthrough… I hear Him, I listen for a moment, get scared, and turn and run away. The uncertainty is frightening. When I'm living in the spirit, being of the spirit, celebrating in the spirit….. I'm absolutely wonderful. When it comes to actions to be taken (by me) due to the spirit… Hmmmm, now I'm scared.
A relationship with God is amazing, He does not disappoint, He is truly my refuge. Share with others the goodness of God.
I Corinthians 13:4-7….. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I know this may seem like a bunch of mumble jumble because it's a personal message for me… BUT what I want to convey is...
WAIT until this kind of love comes along, and BE this kind of love.
This is my life.
ReplyDelete